How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
