Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
