If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
