Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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