well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
