Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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