Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said her name was "party"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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