my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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