I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
