i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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