4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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