Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
