Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
