doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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