i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We don't watch enough power rangers
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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