I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He felt like a one man threesome
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
