And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
