can we get nightvision for the apartment?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
