Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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