so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
