The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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