so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
