Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
