I faked an abortion last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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