just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
