making cat noises will not fix the situation.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
