so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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