I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
