it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
