my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.