that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
