Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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