Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
