Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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