Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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