I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
