omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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