they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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