thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
