On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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