Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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