I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
