I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
