Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i've created a new STD.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
