I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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