Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So many bounce houses so little time
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
