I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
