It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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