My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
