They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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