I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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