I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
