You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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