Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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