My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
