life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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