Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
