roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
