I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
