We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
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Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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