hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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