cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
