Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
